Who wins 2009 World Series?

The 2009 baseball season is finally here—good ol’ October! Pre-season is over and it’s time for the games to begin! WHO’S GONNA WIN? Before the pre-season, Corderrol and Alyson coerced me to stop being a bachelor and marry a baseball team for life! I welcomed all prospects and eventually wed The Minnesota Twins—what a long bumpy marriage it has been! Do I think my Twins will even win this first series against to the Yankees to advance to the AL Championship Series? Will my Twins late pre-season momentum be enough to counter the Yankee’s all-star roster and raucous fair-weather fans? I dunno… we’ll have to see!

AL Division Series
Red Sox – Angels
The Angels are incapable of beating the Red Sox in the playoffs…FOREVER! It’s a trend!

Yankees – Twins
Maybe NYC will catch the flu…
Maybe A-Rod will sissy-slap another first basemen… remember that?

NL Division Series
Rockies – Phillies
Philadelphia sports-fans are pissed off about everything… this series won’t one of them!

Cardinals – Dodgers
A quest for Joe Torré to get back to the World Series before the Yankees do!

AL & NL Championship Series
Red Sox – Twins
Cinderella has to go home…

Dodgers – Phillies
So much for a West Coast bias! This is a 3-1 series. Dodgers win.

The World Championship Series (played only by American teams)
Red Sox – Dodgers
Well, this is awkward… Manny just being Manny!

Dodgers win!!

Serena Williams Gets Angry

US Open 2009… Serena feels slighted!  Her response…

Healthcare, Schmealthcare

Last week while powwowing with Governor Chris Ruiz, I told him that I believed there was a major flaw in Americans “need” to equate Insurance w/ Healthcare! The two terms aren’t synonymous! Insurance is a device used when life goes unaccording to plan. It DOESN’T maintain one’s health… we ourselves have to do that (but we’ve been horribly conditioned to forget that)!

That is the MOST IMPORTANT element has been largely missing from the healthcare discussion: PREVENTION and HEALTHY LIVING. That is, how to help Americans STAY or BECOME HEALTHY.

Dr. Dean Ornish and Dr. Andrew Weil both provide their perspectives on the need to take an in-depth look at the type of health care system that we really want in this country and at how our individual lifestyle choices impact our health.

Dr. Ornish argues that health reform is in danger of failing because the focus is too much on WHO is covered rather than WHAT is covered.

If we just cover bypass surgery, angioplasty, stents, and other interventions that are dangerous, invasive, expensive, and largely ineffective on 48 million more people, then costs are likely to increase significantly at a time when resources are limited. As a result, painful choices are being discussed — rationing, raising taxes, and/or increasing the deficit — and these are threatening the public acceptance and thus the viability of health reform.

Meaningful health reform needs to provide incentives for physicians and other health professionals to teach their patients healthy ways of living rather than reimbursing primarily drugs and surgical interventions. If lifestyle interventions proven to reverse as well as prevent many chronic diseases are reimbursed along with other strategies for improving cost-effectiveness across the U.S. health care system, then it may be possible to provide universal coverage at significantly lower cost without making painful choices, and the only side-effects are good ones.

Dr. Weil explains that the type of reform being considered is not going to make health care any more affordable or efficient.

But what’s missing, tragically, is a diagnosis of the real, far more fundamental problem, which is that what’s even worse than its stratospheric cost is the fact that American health care doesn’t fulfill its prime directive — it does not help people become or stay healthy. It’s not a health care system at all; it’s a disease management system, and making the current system cheaper and more accessible will just spread the dysfunction more broadly…

Most cases of disease should be managed in other, more affordable ways. Functional, cost-effective health care must be based on a new kind of medicine that relies on the human organism’s innate capacity for self-regulation and healing. It would use inexpensive, low-tech interventions for the management of the commonest forms of disease. It would be a system that puts the health back into health care. And it would also happen to be far less expensive than what we have now.

What should be done?

I’d Kill George Washington…

…but I’d Rather Kill Slaves Instead!

Since the founding of our country, and particularly with the end of the American Civil War, power has shifted away from the states and towards the national government. This is unfortunate because many of my friends constantly insinuate how States’ Rights would be awesome if we ever realized the potential of it. So out of curiosity and as a favor to them, I’m going back in time to sabotage all major events that were involved in federalizing our nation.

I have two options for achieving this:
1. Visit the Colonial Era to murder George Washington before the Federalists get his endorsement to write the Constitution. Thereby keeping the America in its original condition where the Articles of Confederation were the ruling law—which in essence meant each state had to fend for itself. However, if this course of action takes place, Great Britain (along with the Native Americans) would have probably re-seized control of America during the War of 1812 by simply attacking each state one-by-one.

So that means I’m going with option 2…

2. Visit the Civil War Era to inform the Confederacy of all of the tricks that the Union Army will try to play on them (giving the Confederacy the tactical advantage of knowing the future). Also, I’d manage to get them to gather all of their disobedient, elderly, and/or barren slaves and use them as suicide bombers against the Union Troops. In this scenario, (D) Jefferson Davis’ Confederate States of America would easily annihilate (R) Abraham Lincoln’s United States, thereby protecting States’ Rights for the future.

States and counties would essentially hold all power (except for providing military services, postal services and common currency). Essentially, each state would be like its own independent country—similar to the European Union. This works out great for Slave-States because if they want to be Slave-States then they CAN BE Slave-States because the pesky corruption-prone Federal Government can’t butt in the way.

Flash-forward to 2009
The Powers-That-Be still manage to give us 50 states; however, Cuba, the Dominican, and Puerto Rico are now part of Florida. And Strum Thurmond’s half-black daughter is President of the Confederacy! Anywayz, the breakdown of current day issues will be like this:

Women’s Suffrage – 30 states FOR, 20 states AGAINST
Racial Segregation – 13 states FOR, 37 states AGAINST
Interracial Marriage – 35 states FOR, 15 states AGAINST
Gay Civil Unions – 7 states FOR, 43 states AGAINST
Pro-Choice Legislation – 30 FOR, 20 AGAINST
Black Slavery – 4 FOR (AL, MS, SC, TN), 46 AGAINST
Latino Slavery – 15 FOR, 35 AGAINST
Gun-Regulations – 13 FOR, 37 AGAINST
Mandatory Military Service – 13 FOR, 37 AGAINST
State-Sponsored Religion – 13 FOR, 37 AGAINST
FAIR-Tax System – 25 FOR, 25 AGAINST
Child-Labor Laws – 45 FOR, 5 AGAINST
Carbon Emission Laws – 10 FOR, 40 AGAINST

Are We Better Off? Remember in neo-2009, we have REAL choices. For instance, if I live in an Anti-Women’s Suffrage state and they change the laws to give women the right to vote, then I have an option to move to a state that still suppresses female civic participation.

If I’m a slave in a slave-state, then I can jump on the Underground Amtrak to head to a free state (although, I’ll probably get hanged before I make it to Freedom). Or if I want to remain a slave, I have that option too.

Choices, options, etc… better for us?!

Conversation w/ Republicans

CWill: You don’t know the conservative stance? Where have you been the last year or so on these e-mail threads? Do you even read them? 

BBax: Do your fellow Republicans and GOP politicians read them? Forward the emails to them because they are clueless as hell!
___________________

This email conversation started like this:

CMG: And finally, new rule – you can’t win any converts to your side when nobody knows what you are talking about. The conservative base these days is absolutely apoplectic because…. well nobody knows!! But the big issues for normal people are the economy, the war, the environment, mending fences with our allies and enemies, and the rule of law. 

And here is the list of Republican obsessions since Obama took office: his birth certificate is fake, he uses a teleprompter too much, he bowed to a Saudi guy, Europeans like him, he gives inappropriate gifts, and his wife shamefully flaunts here upper arms. Oh and he shook hands with Hugo Chavez. And he even accepted a book from him, rubbing conservative noses in the fact that our new President can read.

It is sad what happened to the Republicans. They use to be the party of the Big Tent. Now they are the party of the side show attraction. A socially awkward group of white people that speak a language only they understand.

CWill: So you are saying that republicans don’t have a stance on issues such as the economy, the war, the environment, etc? Come on Chris. That is why this Bill Maher character sounds like such an idiot. Have you not watched the news and seen almost EVERY republican bash Obama’s massive spending and budgeting? How many republicans voted for his bill? Do you and Maher really not know what conservatives stand for?

CMG: I sppse they do have a stance but does anyone really know it? I know about their obsessions b/c that message is broadcast loud and clear. I am still waiting for the [GOP] budget alternative.

JJ: If you still think that the biggest issues to Republicans are teleprompters and bowing to Saudis, you clearly haven’t read my first email in this thread. What do you think the tea parties were about? Protesting the teleprompter?

CMD: I still do not have a clue what the tea baggings were about?? I saw a sign that said something about white slavery!

JJ: We’re not going to explain it any further. It’s just willful ignorance after everything we’ve put out there.

CMD:The conservative message is grossly distorted to the point where nobody understands it [which is exactly what people like Colin Powell and Meghan McCain have said]!!! What you say in these emails is not evenly remotely close to what you see being reported even on your beloved Fox News. Which is why Mr Baxter said maybe you should email these to the conservative base – so that they [get] a clue.

Winning a Major isn’t the same when Tiger Woods isn’t playing! Winning the political-ideals battle isn’t the same either when one side is wounded! It takes away from the accomplishment! 

So write your mayors, your Congressmen, your Senators, our President… and let your voice be heard!!!!

Fashion DON’TS (for Men)

• Grills are meant for the patio… NOT YOUR MOUTH!

• If your Duckhead shorts are as short as your girlfriend’s shorts, then your shorts are TOO FREAKIN’ SHORT!

• Don’t wear shorts that literally end at the ankles. MAKE AN EFFING DECISION. Either wear pants or wear shorts. Don’t attempt a ridiculous looking hybrid—Toyota already does enough of that!

• Either wear a belt or wear pants that fit. Saggy-pants are a tripping-hazard… you can’t effectively outrun the police in those things. If you could, then there wouldn’t be any brothas in jail! (you are actually much faster than the cops, remember?)

• Why do you have on sweatpants AND gymshorts.. AT THE SAME TIME.. when you aren’t even going to the gym?!?! Just stupid! 

• Don’t wear hair-gel. You are not Elvis and you are not Ryan Seascrest!

• Why the heck are you wearing sunglasses at night… in the club… in lowlight? You can’t see, I know you can’t! If you could, then you’d see that girl ain’t going home with you!

• DO NOT get a tattoo of Japanese symbols unless you can actually read Japanese!

• Timberland boots do not go with formal attire!

• Neither do golden boots (thanks, Trey Moe)!

• DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT wear a dirty-n-dingy baseball cap. Either wash it or get a new cap!!

• Don’t skip a bath, go to your girl’s place, and expect her not to notice!

• Don’t not go out of the house with ashy knees and ashy elbows (I should practice what I preach… LOL)!

• If I can see your jacket’s M&M logo from a mile away… then the logo’s too freakin’ big! Go buy a real jacket!

• DO NOT walk around the pool looking like a Teen Wolf reject. Either shave, cover up, or go back to the freakin’ wilderness!

• DO NOT walk up to anyone your stank-a$$ breath… purchase a breathmint. Or better yet, brush yo’ teeth!

• Those pink smedium polo-shirts have got to be put away!

• Wallabee’s © DO NOT go with every outfit in your wardrobe!

• DO NOT wear tall-tees! If you do, then please admit that you’re wearing a girl’s nightgown… because that’s what you’re doing… you’re wearing a freakin’ nightgown!

Fashion DON’TS (for Ladies)

 

• If you have ugly feet, always wear shoes… 
…no flip-flops EVER! 

• No disgusting “muffintops.” Stop eating!

• If you’re a toothpick, don’t wear bootyshorts, applebottoms, or BFMPs (black-f**k-me-pants) because you girl don’t have a butt!!! No one is fooled!!

• No interstate-roadmap-stretch-marks exposed anywhere on your body!

• If you have cankles, please don’t wear shorts. It’s f**king disgusting if u have cankles, anything above ur heel is NOT your friend!

***Obviously, a girl helped me out with most of this note. LOL!***

• If you have a turkey/old-lady gobbler neck like Diane Keaton, wear a scarf!

• No purple weave, exposed weave tracks, plastic weave, etc! 

• It seems obvious but apparently it’s not…no a$$ crack!

• No “baby girl” or “sexy” written across you’re a$$, especially if you are 200+ pounds and have a purple weave!

• If u can only afford the smallest size of a designer bag, don’t buy it period. Overstuffing it and wearing it til the thread falls out only makes you look cheap!

• If you have “back-ne” (back acne) then spaghetti straps and tube tops are off limits!

• Also, just b/c it’s a Louis Vuitton or Prada designer bag DOES NOT mean it is okay to wear it EVERYDAY with EVERYTHING for longer than a month or two!

• Stop wearing bikinis if you are a sloppy bodied/ fat/ stretch mark ridden b***h!

• If ur eyeliner can’t seem to stop from running away from ur eyelids, dont wear it! Who wants to look like they’ve been at a funeral all day everyday?

• I also feel if ur gonna wear leggings-n-shorts then u just need to invest in track pants!

• Stop wearing leggings, ugg boots, a sweatshirt, and nike shorts! WTF? How many seasons are we trying to squeeze into one outfit!?

• And foundation lines are not cute either. Just bc ur face looks “tanned” doesn’t mean it’s attractive when ur neck looks albino still!

• If your thighs rub together and make your shorts ride up between your crotch, either refrain from eating or refrain from wearing those shorts because no one wants to see that sh**!

• If you are PREGNANT and LOOK PREGNANT, do not wear a freakin tubetop or any other sh** that you might wear to the club/bar… that shit ain’t sexy… stay indoors with all that.. we ain’t ready for that jelly, girl!

• If you are disgustingly obese, adhere to the previous PREGNANT CLAUSE… and also go to the freakin’ gym for goodness sakes. 
_________________________________

ANY ADDITIONS? SUGGESTION? INSULTS?

I Fear for Michael Steele, RNC Chairman

 

If Michael Steele wants to keep his job, he had better learn how to stay in his place.

The Republican National Committee (RNC) hired him to reinvigorate their dying party (the only people left are Errol, Sarah Palin, Octo-Mom, and a few folksy-Southerners).  However, based on the past few weeks, the Republican Party has no intention of letting him expand the party or make strategic improvements. 

For starters, the party doesn’t like his methods.  Previous chairmen proudly waved the party flag; Mr. Steele charismatically smiles and shreds the flag to bits.  This has drawn a lot of negative criticism from many prominent Republicans who would rather him not air out their dirty laundry.

Next, the party doesn’t like his honest rhetoric about the current status of the Republican Party.  Comparing the GOP to “drunks in need of a 12-step program” will not win him many political-friends (even though the average-Republican probably agrees with him).    

Most importantly, the party HATES his open criticism of the Rush Limbaugh (despite the fact that Rush has a 66% overall disapproval rating and an 81% disapproval rating for voters under 40 years old). 

Last week, in response to an interview question, Steele answered, “I’m the de facto leader of the Republican Party; he’s not.  Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer.  [Rush’s] whole thing is entertainment. Yes, it’s incendiary. Yes, it’s ugly.”

Rush angrily responded, “You are not the leader of the Republican Party…  And right now [Republicans] want nothing to do with [you].  It’s time, Mr. Steele, for you to go behind the scenes and start doing the work that you were elected to do instead of trying to be some talking head media star, which you’re having a tough time pulling off!”

Having been publicly prison-raped by Limbaugh, Michael “Michelle” Steele quickly APOLOGIZED to his new daddy!  With that said and done, I can come up with only one conclusion: Rush Limbaugh is the real leader of the Republican Party!

Speaking of Rush Limbaugh…

METHODS OF A DEMAGOGUE

Definition: One who will preach doctrines he knows to be untrue to people he knows to be idiots.

“Successful” examples: George Wallace, Al Sharpton, Hugo Chavez, Adolf Hitler & RUSH LIMBAUGH

Apples and oranges — mixing of incomparable quantities. For example, “our government has increased social spending by 5 billion dollars, while the previous government increased it only by 0.4 percent.” The latter sounds like less, but one cannot be sure without an absolute value.

Half-truth — making statements that are true only in a strict and relatively meaningless sense. For example, “the opposition have accused us of cutting foreign aid, but actually our government spends more than 500 million dollars in foreign aid,” not mentioning that (adjusted for inflation) the allocated funds have in fact gone down.

False authority — relying on the general authority of a person who is not proficient in the discussed topic. For example, “the professor read my book, and liked it very much,” omitting the fact that it was a professor of chemistry who read a book on history.

False dilemma — assuming that there are only two possible opinions on a given topic. For example, “You’re either with us or against us…,” ignoring the possibility of a neutral position or divergence.

Demonization — identifying others as a mortal threat. Often this involves scapegoating — blaming others for one’s own problems. This is often advanced by using vague terms to identify the opposition group and then stereotyping that group. This allows the demagogue to exaggerate this group’s influence and ascribe any trait to them by identifying that trait in any individual in the group. This method can be aided by constructing a false dilemma that portrays opposition groups as having a value system that is the polar opposite of one’s own, as opposed to simply having different priorities. This method was incorporated by the Nazi regime to gain the general support of the public when it began to initiate its anti-Semitic policies.

Straw man — mischaracterizing the opposing position and then arguing against the mischaracterization.

Loaded question — posing a question with an implied position that the opponent does not have, e.g. “Do you still beat your wife?”

Unrelated facts — bringing unrelated facts that sound in favor of the speaker’s agenda. For example, marking a vegetable or cereal product as “cholesterol free”. Since cholesterol is only found in animal products, such labeling does not actually distinguish this product from similar competitors.

Emotional appeal or personal attack — attempting to bring a discussion to an emotional level. For example, “Everyone is against me!”, “Can’t I be right just once?”, “You’re stupid!”, or just the classic retort “Shut up!”

Spanking Your Kids?!

Let’s assume that we all will spank, whoop, or corporal-punish our future (or current) kids. However, here’s the twist. For whatever reason, your kids are being watched by your friends, parents, or other relatives. If your kid misbehaves while under their supervision, ARE THEY ALLOWED TO SPANK YOUR KID?

If yes, why?
If no, why?
____________________________

The 2 ONLY Reasons I’d Whoop My Kids
A. Blatant disrespect or subordination of me, my wife, or other person of authority (teacher, coach, babysitter, etc)
B. Doing something dangerous or life-threatening (playing in the street, messing with electric sockets, talking to crackheads and strangers, etc)

That’s it. Those are the only reasons. And I rarely ever want to have to spank my kids. I wanna be to the point that I can give them “the look”, and they immediately get the picture that they better quit whatever it is they’re doing. Heck, I want “the look” to be permanently imprinted in their memory so they behave even when I’m not around (which is what I expect). In the rare chance that my kids do misbehave while I’m away, best believe that I will whoop their behind, give them “the speech”, and tell them “I love you” when I return. 

To Answer the Note’s Question
Yes, I’d let them spank my kids. If I trust someone to watch my kids, then by proxy I trust them to spank my kids. I hardly think that my kids would act-up under someone else’s authority, but let’s say Uncle Corderrol is watching them. If they disrespect him, then he has every right to knock some sense back into them. And whenever my kids come home, I will whoop them again. End of story.

said spankings will occur between the appropriate ages of 2-10 years old

When Cool Ain’t Cool No Mo’

I can’t stand all these old dudes who still think they’re cool. It upsets me to end to see a 50 year old man running around with a gold-chain and a FUBU jersey like it’s an effing 1999 Cash Money Millionaires music video. (Who in the Sam Hill still wears FUBU and gold-chains?) Rather than caring about the things adults care about, they care about the things of teenagers: looking cool, dressing fly and being down.

Why exactly do they feel the need to step up to me and herald about how awesome they were back in the day. Or about how many “foxy ladies” that they used to run through in their primetime. I’m not entirely impressed by this clown who’s trying to “enlighten” me. Can you blame me? I mean, he’s balding and still attempting to have cornrows—that’s effing ridiculous.

Seriously, don’t they have it all backwards? Aren’t you and your style supposed to mature as you get older? In their case, it seems as if they are attempting to defy fate by dressing like a Moesha extra. I have yet to see one person who thinks that an old man with a jheri-curl is cool!

Coincidentally, these are the same old dudes who have caused a lot of women to celebrate obesity, rudeness, bad weaves, and the eventual hypertension. Lame old dudes tend not to have good jobs because they look like a dang fool. To counteract their lack of monetary-prowess, they butter-up to all of these nasty, ghetto, weave-wearing fat women (black and white-trash usually) for a place to eat and a bed to sleep. And that sh** works! These dudes are lame as all get-out, but the women won’t get rid of ‘em because these dudes make them feel so special-n-desired. As Errol says, “THE DECEPTION!”

According to my scientific research poll consisting of me, myself, and I, the style of dress that one wears should behave as illustrated in this lovely graph below. 

Teens and early 20s are when it’s cool to wear whatever. Thirties are when it’s time to prep up your style a bit—only classic sneakers like shelltoe Adidas or Converses are still allowed, and it’s increasingly acceptable to wear a sports jacket with a pair of nice jeans. Fourties are when people should be banned from shopping at Footlocker! Go get yourself some khaki pants and some penny loafers and be on your way to lookin’ like Denzel Washington. But for some reason, not everybody is familiar to the trends of this graph. Someone should inform them because it hurts my heart to see a grown old man look-a-fool?!

And it’s not limited to men. Old ladies shouldn’t have the same Baby Phat jumpsuit that her daughter has—it’s unjustified! If they aren’t at the gym, then they have no business wearing gym shorts on top of leggings like they’re a ΔΔΔ. And I most definitely don’t wanna see another ol’ girl in the mall wearing a thong! Ewwww!

♫ Bill Gates don’t dangle diamonds in the face / of peasants when he’s Microsoftin’ in the place / You getting on my nerves. Well, I’m getting on your case./ Consider your surroundings or you leave without a trace. ♫ 
- Outkast (Andre 3000)